Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
