I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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