Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
