tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
