Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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