Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
