I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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