How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
