smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
