I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
