god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Will exercising make me less horny?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
