Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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