After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
