My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
