just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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