my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
