im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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