make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
