Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
