he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
