White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
