Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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