I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
