And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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