She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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