If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
