i think my tv is drunk
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
