so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
only if we run a train.
done.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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