When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
