last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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