I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
it was like eating out sand paper
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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