you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
