This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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