Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
