I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
