when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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