Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
