My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
