Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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