my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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