my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
