I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
