He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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