so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
