well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
