i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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