My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
