Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
