She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
