How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
