with your own penis?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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