Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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