He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
