This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
