forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
