walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
