Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i love accidental penises.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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