i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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