He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
