PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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