i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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