What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
