M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My Sexting was not on an AP level
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
