Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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