and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I am one with the molecules
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
