yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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