Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
