I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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