no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
